Arise Lord Abramovitch!

It seemed like the perfect antidote to those sleaze allegations after what even he admits has been a "ghastly" couple of weeks - sun, smiles and a warm welcome from athletes at their Commonwealth Games village in Melbourne. They looked genuinely pleased to see him, to take his picture and show off their medals. He looked decidedly relieved to be somewhere where no-one would mention the 'S' word.

At one house they'd even prepared a welcome sign and hung it out of their first floor window. It read "Chelsea 1, Newcastle 0. In case you missed it (the FA Cup 1/4 final)". Suitably provoked, our Geordie supporting PM began to exchange banter with the Blues. "You guys are going to have to lend us some money" he shouted without apparently realising what he'd said.

Now, I'm sure that he meant that Newcastle United would benefit from the resources being lavished in West London. No, really I am. But it might be worth keeping half an eye open for a new recruit to the Lords. Arise Lord Abramovitch!